This is the first morning since April that I’ve enjoyed a cup of my own coffee. And although I haven’t any cream, it is completely perfect. This little mug of Cafe Verona is one of a string of small wonders I’ve had the pleasure of savoring since August 7 – the day we arrived back in Jonesboro. I’ve loved hugging the necks of my church family and hearing their prayers for us; laughing with my coworkers who have absorbed the weight of my absence on top of abundantly caring for me; snuggling between my own sheets as thunder rolls and the earth drinks; sharing sweet sno-cones with my husband in an effort to make up for a lost summer; sharing a prismatic sunset with the fish and turtles of Craighead Lake; breathing in the evening, Autumn-like air of home that I can’t help but feel is a gift specifically for our healing and rest. I could go on…
I have watched my life fall apart and back together in a matter of weeks (and I don’t say that lightly). All I’ve been able to do is watch and ride, and I’ve changed. My “control freak” tendencies have diminished, slowly, over time. I became aware of this change last night when, after our quick Craighead trip and a dusk drive through town, M turned onto Southwest Drive. Several months ago, I would have been questioning him as to why we were headed in the opposite direction of our house. Instead, I had my eyes closed and arm out the window, fingers spread to catch all of the evening air I could as it passed us by. In a very real way, my inside change was showing – all I did was watch and ride. I have learned, really, how to be in a moment. As we neared our destination and I still was not asking questions, M said with a sure smile, “Would you like some frozen yogurt?” The thought that he was taking me to one of my favorite spots in Jonesboro hadn’t even slightly occurred to me; I’d been too caught up in the breeze and the cicadas. My already-present joy lifted even more as I realized where he’d brought me, and then simultaneously, where He has brought me.
“I was wondering when you were going to ask where we were going…” M confessed. “It didn’t even cross my mind,” I said.
I am in a place right now, this very moment, that few are ever able to be; fully immersed in the true love and sincere prayers of my whole life’s people, God’s soul-creatures. The raw, often unseen character of my Father is evident. My commitment to M is allowed to show that it can bear an unbearable weight. Our love is shown to be real and working and living and thriving. Our marriage is on display and, while we are imperfect, our God formed in us a perfect union. I hope you see it. The deeds of His people in our life are a light to the acquaintances following our story. True friendships are shining through the haze of uninvited fear and rise above the tests of uncertainty. This is the way it should be.
This is how life is meant to be lived. Freely. Completely. In love. In awe.
Others are watching. Maybe, they can see; maybe they will be in awe, feel the gift of this moment. Maybe our story will reach where others have not. Maybe this song will soothe a soul; it is a symphony revealing its Orchestrator. For now, we live in the vivace. But, oh, how it is a beautiful song.