I spent some time today looking back through my Facebook profile pictures. Most of them are with Mitch; several from our wedding. I looked at my face in those pictures. I remembered how I felt. Pure Joy. Contentment. Excitement for the future. I was reveling in my fairy tale.
Eighteen months later, sitting in the doctor’s office, listening to him tell us M had leukemia was one of the most awkward days of my life. I went into big sister/responsibility mode – asking questions, planning our next steps, keeping things organized. It was very surreal. (It didn’t catch up with me until later…that’s when I felt like balling up into the fetal position and staying there.) We were still newlyweds. We were “normal” kids with normal problems.
I look now, and I realize we’ve become some of “those people.” Those people that have to deal with hard things. Those people that everyone else looks at and says, “Bless their hearts,” or “I couldn’t do that,” or “I can’t imagine…” Let me tell you, I don’t feel like “those people.” I still feel like me. I feel like Mitchell’s bride. And, for the record, you don’t know what you can or cannot do – When it hits you, you do what you must. Period.
So, in light of his almost-remission report today, I’m OK with being looked at as one of “those people.” Because soon, we’ll join a new group of “those people” — those “survivor” people.