I’ve mentioned this to very few people, but after our first round of chemo, when the world was ending, I left the room to call Bro. Bruce and explain the situation. After several minutes of tears from me and a mountain of love from him, I sat for just a minute in the far waiting room alone. I didn’t care that the few people passing by saw my tear-drenched cheeks or my bloodshot eyes. It didn’t matter.
After pulling myself together, I moved away from the waiting room back in the direction of H720, the room we’ve occupied. There’s a row of windows that look into a square area, open to the sky and surrounded on four sides by the outer brick walls of the halls we were roaming. It’s a random space really…it serves no purpose that I could see. There were no doors to even get out into this space. As I leaned against the ledge looking down onto the barren concrete slab at the bottom, I cried again as I explained to my dad that the chemo meant to cure the love my life had failed. Dad is more of the strong, silent type. So, he sighed. He reassured me the best he could, but I didn’t feel better until a few moments later. I was listening to Dad tell me that he would come to see us as soon as he could, when I looked up. I could see the roof of the building. From around a corner on the roof, a single white dove trotted its way out in front of me. He stood there for a while, turned, and looked directly at me. I tried to explain to Dad about the bird, but he wasn’t understanding. Either I was still blubbering from tears or…I don’t know. But, just as quickly as he’d trotted out, the bird turned and trotted away, disappearing from view. A wave of relief covered me. I instantly knew.
We’re going to be Ok.
Now, was this another instance of God coming in the form of a dove? Maybe. For whatever reason though, that particular bird decided to look into the eyes of this particular girl. And it reassured me. Just as the birds are cared for, how much more shall we be?
I like birds. 🙂
Tomorrow – biopsy day – brings the chance for another disappointment. It also brings new hope. As of late we have smiled and reminisced of happy times. We’ve planned for the future and enjoyed time together. Tomorrow, whatever happens, we will hold on to hope. We will prevail.
Until then, we will be praying hard.